SNIPPETS

MAY 22,  2010

From The New York Times:  LONDON — John Shepherd-Barron, a Scotsman credited with inventing the automated teller machine in the 1960s, died on Saturday in Scotland. He was 84 and lived in Portmahomack, a Scottish coastal town.

At his funeral he will be shoved into a slot, and someone will press CANCEL.

MAY 21,  2010

From the distinguished intellect and senator, the Democrat Ben Nelson of Nebraska: "I go and get my own seating assignment on an airplane. I mean, I'm not without some skills. I just haven't had the need to use an ATM."

Wrong.  As a Democrat, Nelson has used an ATM many times.  It's called the American taxpayer.

MAY 20,  2010

LITTLE FERRY, N.J. (AP) - Officials say a mix-up led a school bus driver in northern New Jersey to start to take students to an amusement park instead of school.  About 30 Ridgefield Park High School students boarded the bus around 7:45 a.m. Wednesday, thinking it was the bus they ride every day. But the driver had shown up early to take seventh- and eighth-graders to Six Flags Great Adventure at 9 a.m.  The students became worried when the bus reached the New Jersey Turnpike and called their parents and the school when the driver wouldn't stop.

Driver wouldn't stop?  Kids want to go to school rather than Six Flags, and he was what? Suspicious?  Maybe he should pursue another line of work.

MAY 19,  2010

MIFFLINTOWN, Pa., May 18 (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said a woman who escaped custody was found hours later hiding in a coffin at a nearby funeral home.

As the great philosopher Jerry Lewis once said, bad looks you can change, stupid is forever.

MAY 18,  2010

HACKETTSTOWN, N.J., May 17 (UPI) -- A New Jersey college's valedictorian finished her nostalgic speech about her time at the college by looking to the future with a marriage proposal.  Emily Hawley finished her valedictorian speech at Centenary College by asking her boyfriend of seven years, Josh Walker, to join her onstage for a surprise marriage proposal that garnered wild cheering from their more than 400 fellow graduates and the assembled crowd, the Daily Record of Parsippany, N.J., reported Monday.

We thought you'd like to know that not every commencement speech includes an attack on American values.  Yay.

MAY 17, 2010

(Reuters) - Is your favorite teddy bear or stuffed animal worn down by the daily grind and desperately in need of a vacation?  Finnish firm Teddy Tours Lapland Oy (www.teddytourslapland.com) has come up with one solution: holidays in northern Finland for that special stuffed friend costing from 110 euros to 170 euros ($140-$216).  The "Standard Journey" for teddies includes a trip around the northern town of Rovaniemi and is capped off with a visit to Santa Claus. The stuffed animal will also receive a gift, send a postcard to its owner and be sent home with holiday photos.

What if the teddy bear is on the no-fly list?